Feelings

Had some puppies dumped on me at Xmas....
  They were horrible! pooped in the house ate power cables killed chickens destroyed anything in their path.
 I was constantly yelling at the little buggers.
  I did finally take two to the pound.
 I then noticed that my old dog was acting scared of me,which was irritating, so he got more scared. This guy has never been yelled at in the 12 years since he moved in with me, so it really bugged me. That bugged him.
  Two weeks ago I decided to actually take the two minutes to go get him and pet and do that stupid pet voice and tell him how much I liked him.(guys still must not admit to loving)
 Now we are buddies again...
   Something to think about?

priorities?

So cleaning is definitely not a priority...
  I am the proud new owner of wage slavery,commonly known as a mortgage.
It seems that those who have worn the collar long enough think of it as natural....
  Maybe I a hater of banks and bankers (like Jesus ) will become used to the chains like others
 Or at least shut up about it so others are not made uncomfortable

Just another Monday...

Pick up boys at 6:30 go milk goat at co-op drive to Alcalde boys pick Walnuts and weeds while I trim a donkey and a horse.
 Drive to a ranch outside Chama to shoe 5 actually 6 well 7 horses
  the boys swim in the swamp catch 2 snakes try to feed the baby birds in a ground nest, narrowly avoid being eaten by horses and identify countless species of insect.
  stop on the way home to pull a shoe off a horse then the long drive home...

Stories

Grove Burnett.
 "the mind is relentless and merciless in it's quest to solve problems"
A feeling is just a feeling until the mind gets ahold of it and starts to compose a story.
That is when things get exciting.
the picture of the mind as a relentless unswerving problem solving machine. It is not into rest or peace or recovery. it is tireless in it's search for solutions,and more importantly to these mindful people, problems.
 Hence the theory that the mind must be reined in and be forced to allow that sometimes there is no need to problem solve...

trees

Walking the Vallecitos
 two tall trees stand together
One dead
The other.....sad?
Does she notice me speeding by?

Thoughts

3 days at a silent retreat on mindful awareness
 

"Still your thoughts and you will be at peace"

 sit quietly eyes closed
a million thought rushing around
 a maelstrom on a stormy sea
Suddenly thoughts are still
adrift on an empty sea
bereft even of the illusion of progress

New Worlds

Off to 6 or maybe 5 day silent mindful awareness retreat
 Those who did not know me during my silent period seem to be a little worried about the silent part.
  No worries! I will just channel my 8th grade mute.
    No research or prep just head on up to something I have never experienced before!
  Kind of like going down the big slide for the first time

Energy politics?

So from everything I read solar hydrolysis is the best way to capture and store Solar energy.
  I read an interesting paper on forward osmosis to purify water( Apparently it is much easier to break pure water down) Before I had not really thought about the energy cost of water purification.
 So we use photo voltaics to power the purification process then we use the same power to separate oxygen and hydrogen .
 Then the only problem is storage and transportation of the power source hydrogen

Family lessons

Although my stomach is a lot better from reducing cognitive dissonance,this exercise in family politics is no fun.
 I can just read Machiavelli
  So skip it and move on to next interesting thought project

Bad parenting

Trying to explain to 6 year old the difference between Gods and Goddesses...... Not successful or maybe too successful?

Family lessons

Lesson one

  If a family meeting is planned it is actually round one in a capitalistic zero sum contest.

The person who can force the most changes in time and place wins round one in the power struggle of who has a voice. Those who actually move outside appointments to facilitate the process are not seen as cooperative  but weak and fearful and will be treated thusly regardless of their intentions.

computer idiot

Spent 4 hours with Ben's new laptop which was really cheap because it is discontinued.
  Finally got connected and loaded Dad's email and netflix but can't play anything.
Can't even find compasslearning and firstinmath.....

Turkey Massacre!!

Ten adolescent turkeys disappeared from the yard a couple of weeks ago.
I could not figure out who could climb or go under the fence tke 8 and leave the feet off one more in one night.
 Owl? Bobcat? Neighbor?
  This morning woke up to angry dog and weird yipping.
Watched from deck as two coyotes (Luckily the other dog showed up to help) cruised around looking for food.
  What did they do with the turkeys? Do they have a little turkey pen or something?

Changes

I have spent my life just being me and of course surviving( I was going to say trying, but it is obvious that I am still alive.
  I lived through the bumps and dips of an interesting childhood. I have been married and divorced twice.

In 46 years I had never been REALLY mad and now I am

This is an interesting experience. Not the least is how many people tell that I should not be mad.
  "Good people do not get mad" "What happened was not that bad" and on and on.

Of course I always had an irritable stomach. Now the stomach is a lot better.
44 years of adroitly or clumsily avoiding conflict and internalizing any sense of injustice and it takes a personal attack by my sisters and brothers to wake me up to that.

I am finding a lot of work to actually deal with feelings of injustice and anger instead of burying them and have a stomach ache. Dealing with peoples response to me having feelings. Directing the actions these feelings ask for in a good direction.....

Evil Bankers and the mortgage joke

Even that Famous Jewish Carpenter couldn't find anything good to say about these guys.
   So we let them run our world because they are rich and rich people are better than poor people because God gives money to those he likes.

  Mother Teresa being a good example.
  Sam Walton being another
   
There is mounting scientific evidence that wealthy people ARE less honest than poor people. Those who study economics are less moral than other professions.
    Anyway some people do not seem to understand my anger, well unbridled rage really at being forced into a mortgage. A) they are instruments of evil. And B) I had it worked out so I would not have to have one.
  My sister made a smart ass remark that I could just sell my house and then I would not have a mortgage.
  I think she was trying to goad me and it worked! So since I am against mortgages I should be homeless? Or rent from a banker?
  Some equate a mortgage with home ownership. They have been hoodwinked into the financial servitude system that helps to keep us voting for evil.
  The bankers and investors are happily buying houses wholesale and then renting them back to the public at inflated prices so that our freedom of thought is even more impinged upon by fear.
  Until my ex-family changed their minds and screwed me in our estate dealings I was well on my way to a modicum of freedom. Now I am 30 years away.. They seem to expect me to forget this or shrug and say well this is life.
The fact that my family was directly and purposely involved with this makes me doubly ragefull.
  I will direct this rage as much as possible to removing this monkey from my back. Any way my ex family helps me in that regard is welcome. Otherwise they are just more strangers on the street from whom I must protect my wallet.
  I am okay with those of you who are happy with or resigned to being ripped off by BOA Wells Fargo and the rest.

   As for myself. Not happening!

too much info

My sister sent her DNA off to be tested and we got the bad news that we are like 99.7% Northern European with some North Africa markers.( Of course this assumes that we have the same father...)
  There goes the happy myth that our illegitimate Grandfather was from the Handsome Native playboy.
  Back to the more likely and drab likelyhood of bad family relations being covered up. As well as the vanished possibility of Casino money.
  Reminds me of the other family myth that Rachel "Sealock" was the only and infant survivor of a Dutch shipwreck.
  She suddenly appeared on the shore for the human scavengers to find.....

Something

Sort of end of sleep thoughts/mini movie/dream/conversation
 Anger/hatred/revenge circling a campfire at night.
Huge threatening and dangerous
 When invited in turns out to be a scared little boy in tears...

Time stuff and money

So I suffered through the Fake dinosaur exhibit at The ABQ convention center and then had to pay $36 to be trapped in a dark room with a giant video screen. I was a little bothered because Ben wanted both parents to take him to Despicable me(A lot of adults laughing by the way) But Mommy would not let me go with "her:" group so I had to shell out an extra $24....

As the proud owner of a giant vampire leech otherwise known as a mortgage every little penny gives me heartburn.
  I saw a lot of people spending $20 to $30  a person on mindless entertainment and I was struck by the thought that many of these people were struggling to make ends meet.

The subjective value of entertainment....