Monday, May 22, 2017

Active rest

   Feeling anxiety in both senses of the words


Asked advise=or fro advice on what to do this summer.

He recommended play. Let the mind wander and enjoy life and literature..

Brought to mind the idea of "active rest" used by competitive middle and long distance runners

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Fighting for what is right

What happens when you find yourself doing evil for good?

I find that this is a huge issue in that we often justify horrendous behavior based on the "other"

This seems to me an unacceptable way to operate. If one becomes evil in order to fight evil.....

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Cultures and uniformity

   I consistently argue that the uniform hides the man.

So far I seem to be a minority of one.

Baggy pants? A youngster trying to fit in. Or maybe a budding drug dealer gangster....

The lady who comes to school meeting in her pajamas?  Disrepectful ignorant angry rebel. Or maybe she doesn't care what society thinks

Military uniform?  Hero of  0 faults? Or order obeying killer...

Man in a suit? Successful moral leader.  Or the man who deliberately tanked the economy for millions or billions.

But if you can't trust the uniform ....

That is too scary for most. This means you would have to be open and thoughtful and vulnerable every time you met a new person.

You would have to judge words and actions over time.

Way too much work... for most

A few have told me that they can tell a persons attitude and whether they respect and have self respect by the way they dress.

A demur. I believe that if you understand another persons culture family and environment , you then have a good chance of understanding what, if any , message they are trying to convey through their clothes.

Otherwise it is just a shot in the dark

Sunday, May 14, 2017

The evil of the worship of greed

         I am continually shocked by our worship of greed and selfishness in my society.

It saddens and distresses me that those who are most generous in the truly useful ways are not only not rewarded, but are ridiculed for being idealistic and naïve.

    Those who think that greed is good seem lost to me. I wish there was some way to help them. I keep trying and nothing seems to work.

The true evil of greed related to fear

   The horrid fact that people accept what I call greed as a good thing continually shocks and dismays me.

     I don't even know how to begin to explain to people that their paradigm is by, their own damn religion, evil and known throughout all the world as an evil

We all laugh and enjoy the line in The Godfather "It's just business" but I do not find it amusing when one defends lying greed selfishness etc. in real life.

     I am looking for a way in. The armor of fear and violence is strong though. These people filled with fear and tribal loyalties seem unable to let anything in for fear of losing themselves or losing to the "other" is almost impenetrable.

I feel a strong drive to "fix" and to save. Yet to some degree tis is another version of the armor which protects one from the new and scary experiences of the world...

Saturday, May 13, 2017

My signposts.

I have a crowded mind, or is it heart? I don't Know.

Is there one integrated entity within that could be called HeartMind?

Now I got distracted by uh... nevermind..

Any hoos. as my Sainted Mother would say. This crowded arena with many voices seems to confuse the humans around me.

Yet it consistently seeks out kindness wisdom courage and tries to feed that in this beautiful and sometimes cruel and harsh world..

Is "it" me? or a part of me? or am "I" a part of it?

Let us re-open that can of worms shall we?

Me myself and I

Who and what are we?

When we have a conversation in our head is it like playing oneself at chess?

Are there different consciousness in us?

Friday, May 12, 2017

the years

The years roll on whether I will or no

I hope the things things I have said and done
are for the good...
 I will try again today

to be the person I believe I am

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Spiritual armor

       I made a silver cloak of gossamer moonbeams and starlight for a loved one

       If she chooses, it may protect her from insult and the undue influence of flattery.

     After the wandering heart delivered the armor/cloak which will fit like a second skin

     I felt the weight of my own armor, made from steel and mithril which weighs me down and encumbers my every movement.

       I am encouraged by my inner gnome to lay down the armor and manifest a cloak in its place

        This cloak would be made of sunlight light and golden thread, it would allow freedom and vulnerability

        Do I have the courage to lay down the sword and shield and don the truth of love and light?

      One hopes, yet never knows till the time comes

The power of belief

       The belief in evil makes it stronger.

What is evil? Fear seems the harbinger of actions that we generally name evil. Killing stealing hoarding...

    The belief that there is not enough, which has been untrue for several hundred years now is the excuse for violence and hatred.

     The true tragedy is that those of us who believe in good are far outnumbered by those who worship fear.

     The gods of war and violence prey on our moral weakness and cause us to fight and then to lionize the killers.

    We live in the false belief that the best killers are our moral compass. The few who know the truth are overwhelmed by the fearful who ridicule and laugh at peace and empathy, foolishly and blindly thinking that fear and violence breed goodness and peace.

     What then do we do? They will not reason and their beliefs will bring death and they will smile in the false faith in isolation.

     It is so easy to move to the "dark side" and start vilifying and "making the enemy" and celebrating violent victory, yet the fire of pain and fear burns ever brighter with each misdeed.


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Save the world!!!!

  How does one accomplish my stated goal of saving the world?

Well I start with... me

I work daily to make me a better person, renew my connection with the universal goodness and to stay with it.

Then my boys, share the goodness of me and the goodness and love of them with them.

Then my lovers and friends. Those closest to me in my heart.

Share the beauty of the universe and my faith that it is unfolding as it should with those who see the light in me that comes from the universe


Monday, May 8, 2017


My anger and sadness and injustice knows no bounds. Sometimes I feel that I battle all alone. Yet the others who feel as I feel just as alone. I call to you!! we are not alone!! Yet Hatred of any is our enemy

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Johnny be good

Wake up and do your best everyday

And if you can forgive yourself and those who did you wrong before you go to sleep....

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

The loss that can't be undone

The day that can't be rewound

The loss that can't be made good

The tears of sorrow and pain

The tears of pain and sorrow

That wash the heart clean...

Monday, May 1, 2017


I walk in the shadow of my fear
 in the valley of anger
a dogged desperation
so I keep slogging
In the wrong direction
little knowing
that the fear
is a fine thin curtain
between me
and my dreams of goodness

Will I wake in time?
We await the answer
in breathless anticipation

Saturday, April 29, 2017

On Morals

I see that we all justify our own bad behavior based on the fact that we are upset that someone else behaved the same way.
       We vilify Trump and it is okay because others vilified Obama and continue to vilify Ms. Clinton. It is justified even though useless and childish and petty because the "others" did it.
     Just like my ten year old son. Of course, in his case it is not encouraged. In fact it is recognized for what it is.
   We should not encourage each other in tribalistic glorification and vilification.
If there is moral strength, it is universal. Not this thing we do now in which if "our side" did it, it is good and if "their side" did it, it is evil.
So how do we go beyond this? I see it all the time in family and politics and it seems to make life worse for most

Friday, April 28, 2017

on hope and motivation

There is a thing called hope.
My friend says hope is a passive word that makes the user of the word or thought just as passive as the word. He claims that those with intent will have a chance to succeed those who hope are doomed to fail in whatever they hope to achieve.
 I find hope helpful. When I have hope I have intent and motivation and drive, now that is a whole different subject9 what motivates people) I hope to "save" the world. There is absolutely no way I can do that so I have spent years in confusion and putting my energy here and there in a random way.
  Now I have heard from my mom that the pueblo people that she and my dad spent time with did not consider a person an adult until that person was 52 years old, as it happens I am 52 right now.

Back to that old hopey changey thing. Another friend has a phrase, false hope. We have not gotten the opportunity to speak more in detail so I ran with what I suspect she means. There is a way in which many people hope Jesus will fix everything and a way in which people hope that things will work out in a passive way. The false hope is when someone does not tell you the true extent of what needs to be done or the true probability of success. When the person finds the true extent of the issue they are confronted with they often feel betrayed or hopeless or both. then the poop hits the windmill.

So how does one motivate oneself or others to do good? When there is no hope my little group quits. When there is hope my friends group are passive. My other friends group sees hope as a false flag that is waved I the faces of people on purpose or out of fear of the person giving up when they here truth.