Thursday, March 21, 2013

life lessons?

Darn kids outgrew their shoes again! OK the new dog. She is a real female dog,if you know I mean ate one pair.
  We need new shoes and the boys want treats and toys. I tell them that they can buy with their own money. Ben goes into his strong box and shows up with $70. What the ???? I give up trying to figure out where he got it. Ben finds even more money and decides to give Soren (apparently spellcheck does not speak Swedish?) $25. I tell them that they have to buy shoes with their own money. Ben, of course is delighted and Soren throws a fit and locks himself in the bedroom for twenty minutes. When Soren is ready to be with people again we head off to the bank (for Daddy to deposit money) and then to target. for shoes and toys.
  Twenty minutes of trying on shoes and we find two pairs. Endless minutes in the toy department and Soren decides to put the shoes back. As a parent I am in a a quandary. Most parents would make an executive decision. I explain to his tiny six year old brain that he won't have shoes. He does not care so I choose not to change the paradigm on him and leave the choice to him.
  My story is that I let him make the "wrong" choice and that maybe he will learn from it. I am very aware of the strong parent belief that children crave structure and will become criminals and believe that we do not care about them if we do not run their whole lives. The military paradigm, if you will. As over against ( I have always wanted inappropriately us old Mr, Kurth's compare and contrast phrase.) the new age belief that children are much wiser than adults. That is a separate but connected issue. Anyway(my favorite useless word) Oh yeah ,I forgot, we spent so much time on money "lessons" (taught by an antimoney parent so probably worse than useless, although I guess it is an improvement on my Mom literally tearing her hair out and screaming in the parking lot of The Bank of Santa Fe in 1974. Anyway, hey how did Ii get off onto that subject? Double anyway. We missed the goshdarn PTC( one of those weird things that bugs people like me, when and why did it change to PTC from PTA?) .
  Fours hours later I am rethinking my whole "right" and "wrong" deal. Soren still has to figure what he is going to wear for the next month but he and Ben had a lot of very creative fun,practiced negotiating sharing and communicating in a way that the shoes would not have aided. Now they are busy copying out their artwork to hand out to class mates tomorrow.
   People keep telling me I am a great Dad. I have a hard time believing it,but at least I know they are getting %100 effort. 

1 comment:

  1. I do believe that unless you are a complete psychotic, 100% effort is what defines a great dad.